About a third of all pet dogs in the United States are purchased from breeders as puppies and therefore haven’t gone through being dumped, homeless, sent to a shelter, forcibly taken from a home in which they were mistreated, abused in a puppy mill, or all of the above. A number of them also come from family and friends. Many of the rest are rescued. Some of those rescues, no matter what they’ve been through, are amazingly resilient and quickly accept the love and comfort of their new household. But others are just too traumatized. They are afraid for their human family even to stroke them gently or to come near them to attach a leash so they can have a pleasant walk outside. They need time, and they need your patience. Here are 14 ways to earn your new dog’s trust. These strategies work to keep all dogs feeling secure but will prove particularly reassuring for a scared one.
1. Never, never, feel embarrassed or uncomfortable if your dog doesn’t want to be petted by other people. Your role is not to make people feel good by allowing them to interact with your dog. It’s to make your pet feel secure and protected. She is not public property and deserves her space if she wants it. If someone asks to pet your dog and you know that she does not want to interact with strangers, it’s okay to say, “Thanks, but she’s fearful around other people.” You can even put a vest on your dog with wording that tells people to keep away. DogsInNeedOfSpace.com sells vests with wording like “Please don’t approach.” You can even design a vest with the wording of your choice, such as “Anxious dog. Please pass us by.”
2. Do not flood your dog. Many people believe that if they keep throwing their dog into situations that make her feel uncomfortable, she will become desensitized over time. She will not. She will become more sensitized. Animal behaviorists call it flooding. Getting a dog used to situations that make her cringe is a long, slow process of gradually introducing her to people and things she’s afraid of, perhaps starting with a very gentle fellow dog lover who knows not to come on too strong.
3. Avert your gaze. Dogs see a direct look or stare as confrontational. They get used to our ways over time and don’t feel threatened. But a newly rescued dog still in the throes of whatever trauma he has been through might feel unnerved by direct eye contact. Better to casually throw him a small treat as you walk by without any fanfare.
4. Approach your dog in a banana-shaped arc. Just like direct eye contact, a direct approach is perceived as threatening. Even in a park, you’ll see one dog approach another in a slightly curved line rather than a straight one. It’s the dog’s way of saying, “I come in peace.” Give your anxious rescue that courtesy.
5. Bear in mind that aggression is a sign of fear. People often assume that an aggressive dog is trying to lord it over others, wanting to dominate or be the alpha dog. But the notions of canine dominance and alpha dog are outdated. It is now known that even in the wild there is no alpha dog, and that dominance is a human construct, not a canine one. If a dog acts aggressively it is almost always because he is scared to death and feels he has no other option for protecting himself. At the very least he is confused (and sometimes in physical pain). An aggressive dog needs your reassurance and protection, not your intent to show him who’s boss.
We don’t mean that dogs and people are equals. They’re not, just as children and adults are not equals. But just as with children, good parenting is about effective leadership, not dominance. With that in mind…
6. Let your dog know when you’re pleased. The way to teach a dog is to reward him for doing the things you want, not punish him for doing the things you don’t want. Punishment not only fails to help a dog learn the ropes; it also breaks the bond you are trying to build with your pet. Think of it this way: “Come off the couch because if you do, you will get a piece of food” is a lot more effective than “Do it because I say so.”
7. Watch your words. Think of asking your dog to do the things you would like as cues rather than commands. A cue implies learning, a sense that the dog has agency in her own life. A command — well, you know what “command” implies.
Additionally, never think of your dog as a “bad dog.” Your dog is excellent at being a dog. She just may not understand everything you expect of her.
8. Turn down the music — and the television. A dog’s hearing is exquisitely sensitive. What we can hear from 10 feet away, she can hear from 40 feet. Imagine having to listen to the radio or the television at levels so loud they hurt your ears — and not being able to do anything about it.
9. No yelling or arguing in front of the canine children. They perceive our stress acutely. This is not just an assumption. When veterinary researchers measured the stress hormone cortisol in the hair of dogs and the hair of the people they lived with, the levels were very similar. Note, too, that while people might sometimes see yelling as a necessary part of conflict resolution, a dog might see it as life-threatening. Dogs are lovers, not fighters, and will only fight when they feel extremely threatened.
10. Predictability is key. As much as possible, stick to a schedule — for feeding, going on walks, playing, and so on. A scared dog in particular likes to be able to rely on a routine rather than never knowing what’s going to happen next.
11. Recognize signs of stress. Both yawning and lip licking often mean a dog feels emotionally uncomfortable. So do urinating indoors and trashing the house while you are out. Some people think that’s a dog’s way of showing he is angry at you for leaving without him, but it’s his way of acting out his dread at being left by himself.
12. Don’t pat your dog on the top of the head. Dogs see that as an authoritarian move, and they don’t much like patting, anyway. They like stroking — gently — on the side of the muzzle. With good reason. While our sense of touch is all in our fingertips, theirs is on that part of the face near the nose and mouth.
13. Walk your dog three to four times a day. Two times a day just doesn’t cut it.
14. Let her sniff. We read the world with our eyes. Dogs read their world with their noses, and they live in an olfactory sphere of which we are only dimly aware. (A dog can discern a human odor on a glass slide that has been lightly fingerprinted and left outside for as long as two weeks.) It means that when a dog sniffs a blade of grass for what seems like forever, she is not trying to drive you crazy. She is gather-
ing information.
Sniffing actually calms a dog, too. French researchers recently made the discovery when they observed more than 60 dogs and found that every time the dogs stopped to sniff, their pulse rates went down significantly.
