Q: We are going to have to put down our dog very soon. We have two children, ages four and six. How do we talk to them about this?
Mara Havens
St. Helena, California
Dear Ms. Havens,
A: Openly and honestly. The aim is to validate your young children’s feelings but not to overwhelm them with the details of your dog’s illness or how euthanasia works.
It’s okay to let youngsters know that with the death of a loved one comes a great deal of sadness and that it’s okay to cry. It’s also okay to let your children know that sometimes a loved one’s death makes people feel angry that such a thing has to happen. It’s fine to discuss guilt, as well, explaining that those who are grieving might feel guilty that they didn’t do enough, even though there was absolutely nothing more that could have been done. That is, if your child asks why the dog couldn’t be saved, you can say there are times that even the best medical care is not enough to keep a loved dog alive because the animal is simply too sick, too hurt, or too old. As part of these discussions, it’s important to tell children that they may feel they’ll never stop being sad or angry, but they will.
A terrific book to help you through the discussion is When a Pet Dies, by Fred Rogers (of Mr. Rogers’ Neigh-borhood). More pictures than words and meant to be read with your children, it contains a section in which Rogers explains that “When [my dog] Mitzi died I was very sad, and so were my parents…. My parents encouraged me to talk about how I felt, and they let me know that grieving was a natural, healing thing to do.”
